Focused and Ready

It's been a weird year - here we are half way through and I feel like I've lost part of my identity. Amazing how quickly that happens. When our dog Momo died, on the first day of 2019, it set a tone for me.  I somehow sensed things would be different.

I'm not sure what happened, but I woke up not wanting to train anymore.  It's an unfortunate scenario in some senses because it led me away from certain friendships because we lost that commonality - swimming or running - but at the same time, that's how friendship works, we evolve, grow, and move on, always seeing fondness for the past.  I took time to think about what I wanted,  where I needed to be, and just to live.

We got a new dog, George, and he took 4-5 months to bond with me. It was a weird feeling because there were days I thought "no one likes me, not even my dog," - total negativity, but we all get like that right? For me it lasts a few hours then I laugh about it.   By the time summer rolled around George started loving me all the time.  I wasn't just the lady who took him on some runs, fed him twice daily, and petted him - I was his lifeline.  Along that same time, I decided I wanted to train again.

Up to this point I was still running; my running partner, the only friend I had when my dog hated me, (haha) and I had started running faster.  I'm not talking seconds, I mean 2 minutes per mile faster.  And that was a huge focus for me.  Fast 5Ks.  I was swimming a lot, 3-4 times a week but for maintenance, speed, and form, not for distance.  It felt great to be a champion again... and, I was ready.  The lake was warming up and it was time to train. 

May 1st, I hit the lake for the first time since last season.  It was so cold, but I swam 1.5 miles chasing Terrence in the kayak.  I decided to go up to the lake weekly after that and have maintained that goal.  During that time I decided to train for a 10K swim. There are few races in the area and I could not find anyone to take me to the first few - my mother wanted someone to drive me and make sure I had support on land.  Terrence was working and my other friends were too busy... it was a bummer, but it happens.  I finally found a race that was far enough out that I could ask my parents to watch my children, Terrence could ask off from work, and we could go.


I started focusing on training using my Dad or Terrence as my pilot on my open water swims, doing 1 long swim a week at the pool, and doing 2 more swims at the pool that focused on speed and form.  I kept up my running 3 days a week too.  I met up with my swimming buddies and did some sessions with them too; I always want to race or need form tweaks anyhow...  In addition,  I started talking with some people on Instagram who sent me training plans, helped me discover mental strength, and loved the sport like I did.   One friend Luke, suggested I swim 45 minutes at a time to get used to the laps I'd be doing at Fontana Lake; my friend Dean suggested I just focus on "swimming the mile I was in"; and my friend Charlie (from Chapel Hill) who was rooting for me strongly and helping me make plans to get some NC swimmers together this summer.  Then something terrible happened. I don't plan to go into details, but my friend Charlie died during a multistage open water swim event in the Hudson River.  I was heartbroken.  But it had me recollect my thoughts.  What was it I was really looking for?  The race I was planning on doing did not have a pilot per swimmer like some races do, it was a two mile course with aid stations every 2 miles, and I felt like I needed Terrence or my Dad on course.  I had too many questions about the course, that it did not seem like the right fit for me. So I backed out of the race.

We decided to go it alone.  So on July 20th,  my pilot, Terrence, and I will hit my lake to get me through my 10K.  I don't need medals or a t-shirt for validation, I just want to do it.  Open water swimming brings me courage, strength, and vitality - it's the sport I have needed in my life but came into kind of late.   Being with my husband on my lake is going to be incredible, then I can be home to cuddle my new best friend George, hug on my children, and text my friends all about it.  I'm excited! In fact, I'm focused and ready.