Journey, Marathon Blues, and Life

I woke up in the middle of the night on January 2nd and felt so ill. I had caught a stomach virus from one of my three children.  It had swirled around the house effecting all of us dramatically, with the exception of the dogs who were happy to have cuddle buddies in the bed for long hours of the day.  It was so cold outside and Christmas had just passed.  All those happy hugs, large glasses of wine, and family dinners were gone for another year.

My memories of the Philly Marathon are slowly passing and now I just remember only the greatness and not the pain; not the daunting training, not the chafed armpits, not the exhaustion - just the fun time and super friends I met.  I'm back full force, training for marathon #7... running daunting miles, fueling my body with gels, and trying to smile in the midst of it all. Work has been semi-stressful with changes that needed to happen, yet no one is ever ready for change, and this makes me extra tired at times.  I started thinking about life and what I wanted over Christmas.  My intention word came to me immediately after the Philly Marathon when I was running a few miles solo.  I knew 2018 had to be about a JOURNEY.  Finding an intention word is exciting and almost life changing, goals started flowing and I felt so alive... then I woke up sick on January 2nd.  I missed work, I slept all day, my long time running partner begged me to take some time off and reevaluate my running goals.  I cried.  I was so sick.  I thought back to two other sicknesses I had caught since October and cursed myself for being so "out of shape."  This is the woman who just PRed a marathon, this is the woman who just made great strides in her own personal growth and development, this was the woman who pushed others for greatness... and yet I felt lost. I cannot let it over take me. After a marathon, I struggle momentarily with the change, the loss, and just basking in the sheer awesomeness... I struggle from Marathon Blues. It never helps to jump right back into one, because I never lived the last one down. But at the same time, I struggle just resting too.  So I have to focus.

Yesterday I posted on social media: "Excuse the language (I’m a wordsmith not a princess), this is raw emotion my friends... if someone can have an epiphany I may have had one. I’m over trained. Burnt out. Tired. I’m sick. My diet isn’t working. I cried thinking I had to take time off of running for a mere week. But alas, here I am. Today I ate vegan AF, I practiced hatha yoga, and my heart feels so damn alive. Just a few more days and I’ll be back to normal, but for now I rest, realign, and center. Namaste."

And to be honest, that's my plan. I will rest. I will realign and in the process my JOURNEY will begin.  My goals continue to develop... but first I need a trip to the library for a book on Buddhism, I need to center myself in some yoga,  I need to honor the lives of animals and not eat their by products, I need to feel humble and grateful during each day, and I need to be present in my actions.  That's where I am now.  Peace, love, light.