Internal Chatter

Injury for me is very daunting, hard, and painful. Not physically, I handle physical pain fairly well... it's mental pain... anguish, torment, and chatter.  After my last marathon I started noticing some tiredness in my body, I vowed to take it easy.  I did, for the most part, scaling back on mileage, but I upped the pace.  I ended up with iliotibial band syndrome (IT band syndrome) and lots to think about. I decided to forgo some races, skip group meetings, and even took 9 days off of running... and it's been hard. The 9 days off is not the issue, in fact, it's been fun - I've owned the pool and been deemed queen of the chlorine... it's the post marathon blues tied in with my own negative chatter that's been my downfall. 

Chatter is described negative self-talk and an inability to enjoy the present moment... Buddha described this mind chatter like a bunch of drunken monkeys flinging themselves from tree branches, jumping around, and chattering nonstop. He meant that our minds are in constant motion. For me, it's been constantly negative. I've filled my mind with anxiety, self-doubt, anger, jealousy, and even sadness. I've let comparison steal my joy! I've lost the ability to slow down and enjoy the present moment. In addition, all this negative talk has kept me from concentrating on what it important right now - and that my friends, is REST.

I've allowed myself to think my support systems are my enemies... and they are not at all.  In fact their love and gratitude is there in abundance, I just could not enjoy it... because I was too caught up with my own personal chatter.  And for that, I express the highest gratitude and love. Now, do not get me wrong, people are allowed to process and handle pain however they like, sometimes it takes time to figure it out... but on my journey, I process my feelings... and I think that's healthy.  I'm okay that it took me a few weeks to process how I feel about this injury and really dissect what is bothering me because now I can move forward and grow.

Chatter will always surround us, it's just what we learn to do with it... and I've learned to put it in the past, enjoy the present, and wait to see what the future holds. It shall be beautiful!