The Prophetic Friend

My friend, Kristen and I were asked as children "Are you twins?" Of course we said "Yes!" then made up a ludicrous story about how she went home with our parents and I went home with our aunt and uncle... but we all met up for dinner, did everything together, etc. 

As time passed, she always joked me about how many children I would have. So did everyone else. I always said "No way! I love children and I plan to work with them, but I will never have any."  When my friends talked about what they would name their children often one would say "I am the generation for twins," I always said "Doesn't it skip a generation... thankfully that means I have been skipped."  I'm not sure Kristen said this... but I know she was in on these young conversations and big dreams!

Kristen and I eventually did grow up, get educated, find jobs, get married, and begin having families.  She is the mother to a beautiful little girl... a fiery red head! Her husband has several children from a previous marriage, so she is blessed with a big family.  I, obviously, am the mother of three small children.  Before I even got pregnant with my first, Kristen told me "When you have twins, I get the girl." I always responded "Yes you do... when I have twins, ha!" 

Well, I did end up with twins BUT she didn't get the girl. :)

Spontaneity

I am calling this post spontaneity because that is something I lack... I live by a schedule.  When I work -  I get up by 6:30, take a shower, drink coffee, eat breakfast, dry my hair/do my makeup, get dressed, wake up Ava, put the dogs out, load the car, and go to work.  I drive the same route to work daily and come home from work the same way, even if I don't pick up Ava. I get home, eat, exercise, put Ava to bed, and then go to bed myself.  Nothing ever changes - well rarely.  The twins are teaching me about being spontaneous, I can't say I like it, yet, but I am learning to tolerate it, for now.

My colleague and dear friend, Leigh, is extremely spontaneous.  I never understood why she was spontaneous, until recently.  Leigh has 4 teenagers, two sons and twin girls.  Her life is rather amazing, and I am in awe of her. She's my rock, if anyone can understand what I am going through, I know Leigh will... plus she is a Pisces, an exercise fanatic, funny as all-get-out,  an animal lover, a pediatric speech pathologist, and a proud wife and mother --- people like that are perfect in my opinion. (WONDER WHY?) I have always admired Leigh, for many reasons, and always wanted to make her proud. Now, I admire her even more... I think she knows that though!

In any case, anyone that knows me well, knows how much of a control freak I am. I operated my house in military precision with one child.  As early as a month old, the schedule consisted of:  go to bed at 7:30 wake up at 7:30, feed three-five times, change diaper with each feeding, etc. (Insert obsessive/collusive behaviors). I cannot, honestly, say I am doing anything of this nature now.  For example:

• Ava slept in her crib first night home from the hospital/The twins have never been in their cribs (1 month old)
• At a month Ava ate every 4-6 hours/ The twins eat every 4-6 minutes, 2 hours, all day - basically on demand
•  Ava did great with breastfeeding and gained like a little piggy/ Elle eats well but needs to gain even more weight and Easton is in the 7th percentile for weight... (I'm embarrassed to share that, BUT we are trying hard to gain)
• I traveled all the time with Ava/ I get out some days with the twins, others not so much

Now, I am NOT complaining about the twins, because they are my precious newborns, who I love more than anyone could imagine. What I am trying to painfully admit is that it is impossible to live by a schedule, with twins. No matter how hard I try, the two tiniest Bumgarners have taught me a valuable lesson.  Everything cannot be controlled. I think it is funny how I am learning so much from them, even if they only weigh a combined total of 16 pounds! I wonder if they can cure my anxiety next?

Our Schedule... Yes, this is True!

Let me fill you in on a day with the Bumgarners.  A typical day at this point involves:

A diaper change and feeding for the twins at 5:00 a.m., followed by a huge cup of java, and the news. They typically eat for 60 minutes... Terrence gets up and goes to work, I might say "bye" to him and tell him "I love you have a good day," but I might not.  If I am lucky they sleep until 8:00 which gives me time to eat breakfast, let the dogs go out, feed the dogs, sweep, wash a few dishes, and miscellaneous things of that nature. I drink more coffee.

At 8:00 we feed again and change diapers. My mother-in-law arrives at 8:30 most days of the work-week to help out.  This happens to also be the time that Ava wakes up, needs to be changed, tries to use the potty, wants a drink, and goes through the cabinets or fridge until someone fixes her breakfast.  She usually tells me to put the babies down and come watch her eat at the dinning room table. She typically picks yogurt, which gets in her hair and all over the table... If I am lucky, I can wipe the table down between the 5:00 a.m. feeding and 8:00 a.m. feeding the next day, reference "miscellaneous things of that nature."

At 9:00 a.m. I often realize I have yet to go to the bathroom since the night before, have nasty teeth, notice my hair hasn't been brushed, and that I have breast milk pouring through my shirt.  Hopefully I can change shirts in the next few hours... I can always brush my teeth and hair tomorrow, reference "miscellaneous things of that nature.".

Between 9:30 and 11:00, the twins fight sleep, I watch boring television programs, and look at the computer. I dream about running. Sometimes I shower, change my shirt, and brush my teeth.  Other times, I put babies in the swing,  the bouncy seat, pull out the play-mat for tummy time, rock them both, or take them out on the porch. I may drink two sips of water during this time and cram a banana into my mouth because I probably wasn't lucky enough to have a minute for breakfast during the past 6 hours.

At 11:00 a.m. we feed and change diapers. Then it is lunch time because it takes nearly an hour to feed them...and I tandem feed. The twins might nap... actually they often do and I think to myself "what should I do until 2:00?"  Oh yeah, fix Ava's lunch, play "my little pony" with her, let her watch 30 minutes of Clifford, and let my mother-in-law catch up on "The Bold and the Beautiful," heck I think that is what it is called... it might be "The Young and the Restless," not really sure.  I am taking a liking to the crazy bitch on the program, I hate she might be pregnant, she's got an adult son, but this is a soap opera.  I may try to nap, but if I do the twins need something, the dogs bark, or I'm just not tired anymore.  I bite my fingernails and again think about running.  The thought of drinking wine passes through my mind. I call Terrence and choke back tears. I am not sad, I just really miss him.  I need more sleep.

Between 2:00 and 5:00, after eating and being changed the twins are fairly tired and sleep.  Probably because my father-in-law drops by and holds one of them while it sleeps and my mother-in-law takes the other.  Ava begs to play outside and tries to convince the dogs to go with her.  I do a few household chores. I may at this point finally brush my teeth.  I think about work, running, and tea. I have put off thinking about wine, because I would rather run, they don't mix. I learned this the hard way, not once, twice. One was drinking the night before a half marathon, wait I did that twice... change this to three times. The other time, is not important, and needs no mention.

At 5:00, we feed again... change diapers.  Terrence often arrives home.  Ava is bouncing off the walls and has had seven packs of fruit snacks by now.  My in-laws are gone until tomorrow.  I try to get a short run in, actually I might just run really fast so I can log an extra mile.  I didn't know my life would be constant speed work, what happened to long slow distance?  I do leave the house and go to hit the trails or a park.  After running, or not, I feel like I am stuck in the recliner until the next morning.  Dinner is made, by one of us, Ava and Terrence eat together.  I might eat an hour later, I may eat with them, I may eat at the same time but while I feed the twins. I sometimes don't eat. Ava goes to bed at 7:30,  we brush our teeth (I figure I can sneak one in at this time), we always read the same three books, say our prayers, and then I hear crying.  I realize it is time to feed the twins again, I bet I'll change at least two diapers.  I failed to mention my folks  show up to visit around 6:00 some days.  They tend to Ava and dote on the new grandbabies. They bring chocolate for Ava, she eats 8 kisses, and I don't care... I assume she is getting calcium or antioxidants. I am too tired to stress about healthy lifestyles, we have been healthy for her entire life, this twin-thing is like a mini-vacation. She can eat sweet potatoes and salmon, next year.

From 8:00 until 11:00 Terrence and I don't talk.  I may drink a glass of wine, watch television, and maybe go lay in the bed for a bit. Terrence takes care of the next feeding, often.  At 12:00 even though they just ate at 11:00, I am awoken by screaming.  I change diapers, try to feed, and try to get the babies back to sleep.  For some odd reason, they want quality time to be around 1:00 a.m.  From 2:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. I pass out in the recliner.  I don't remember what my bed looks like.  I think my room is upstairs... but that is long forgotten memory.

The day starts over as the sun rises again... another 24 hours down. 

I was recently asked if I could change anything about my life right now.  It took a split second to respond. No, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the whole world... not even more sleep, fine wine, or a long, long run! I have the perfect life. Thank-you God, it is truly appreciated!

A-L-O-N-E... eek!

I love all of my children.  The love grows deeper each day, as they get bigger and learn new things.  I think their love for me grows each day as well. But, I am terrified to be left alone with all three of them! I remember when Ava was born having the same feelings, but now it seems like it should be a more legitimate fear as I have three children.   Why is it that a 31 year old woman, who has 13 years experience with children and a master's degree in speech pathology, so scared of her own children? The combined weight of the three is only 55 pounds, two of them sleep 20 hours a day, and the other is fairly independent... but I still get scared.  I worry about how I will cope in general, what if something happens, what if the mailman knocks on the door (how will I handle this?), and what if I get hungry for god's sake? Will the children survive my trip to the bathroom? Can I drink something, because I'm not sure any of them are qualified to do the Heimlich? If it begins snowing, in June, will someone be able to relieve me, in the next 7 or 8 hours, because we just sold our four-wheel drive vehicle to buy a van to seat all 3 kids... okay so I am ridiculous, but the thoughts do cross my mind. In any case, I think I am creating this post, not to seek help or try to have my feelings validated, because I know I am normal.  I am creating this post to let others know, that being a parent is extremely terrifying and that's okay.  No matter how much we love them and cannot wait for their arrival during pregnancy, there is still that anxiety and worry in all of us.  That is what makes a good parent and something to be proud of!

Nighttime Love

Last night was rough, matter of fact the past 14 nights have been rough.  But last night was my first night completely alone.  Terrence had to work in the morning, my Mom was going back to work, and my mother-in-law has decided to help me during the day.  I got in my bed, for 15 minutes, at least 7 times before I opted to watch TV in the recliner instead.  Easton slept well, but Elle seemed to be starving. Each time she cried, I envisioned a little imp in my mind, trying to steal my soul - wanting to take all my energy.  Or, a wild animal, staring at me, with crazy nocturnal eyes waiting to pounce on me and devour me whole.  I did all but lay in the floor and cry.  I tried, yelling beneath my breath, beating my chest with my fists, cursing the not so bad bad-words, pretending to kick the dog, and praying she would sleep.  Between 11:45 and 3:45 a.m. Elle nursed.  Easton got up once around 3:00, so I left them both in my lap and watched a recorded 48 Hours Mystery which put us all to sleep.  At 5:00 a.m. I quietly strolled up the stairs to be awoken at 5:25, by Elle.  This time when I looked at her and saw a different child, a sweet, inquisitive little face, staring back up at her Mommy.  She needed me. I guess it was the daylight starting to come through the window or I was delirious, but either way it was touching.  I am incredibly in love with my children.

A Day Out for the Twins

Yesterday was a fairly busy day for the Bumgarners.  Easton and Elle had their first photo shoot with my dear friend Bridget, owner of Sofian Studios.  Bridget wanted me to meet her at her mother's house at 9:00 a.m.  Believe it or not, we made it by 9:01! Bridget had a great set up, with plenty of props to choose from, in a beautiful sun room overlooking the golf course.  It was a sunny but cool June morning, so the space heaters and heat in the house actually felt great to me (the babies are in diapers or less throughout the shoot and the room has to be fairly warm.)  Elle was sleeping hard and was the first to get photos taken.  She was flexible and didn't appear to be stirred by constant poses such as "taco," being placed in a basket, and being propped up on her dainty little elbows.  Easton, on the other hand, wanted to constantly nurse, peed on Bridget three times, and cried when touched. She got several photos of him, several of them, but plenty of Elle.  After three hours, the babies were completely done and I could tell it was time to go home.  It was a miserable trip home, as Easton sounded as though someone was plucking the hair out of his head, one hair at a time.  But we made it and had a restful afternoon followed by our first tub bath with Ava! Everyone slept great last night; let's keep that up Bumgarners.

While Mommy and the twins were at the photo shoot, Ava and Daddy went to see Clifford at Barnes and Noble.  Clifford read a book, provided a small brunch, and handed out gifts.  Ava gave Clifford lots of hugs and seemed to think he was real.  I  hate I missed it, as I hated Ava and Terrence missed the photo shoot.  But we have evidence of both in photos!

I have to say, while it is fun to get the kids out and show them off, I much prefer to cuddle at home.  I think they do too!