Nighttime Love

Last night was rough, matter of fact the past 14 nights have been rough.  But last night was my first night completely alone.  Terrence had to work in the morning, my Mom was going back to work, and my mother-in-law has decided to help me during the day.  I got in my bed, for 15 minutes, at least 7 times before I opted to watch TV in the recliner instead.  Easton slept well, but Elle seemed to be starving. Each time she cried, I envisioned a little imp in my mind, trying to steal my soul - wanting to take all my energy.  Or, a wild animal, staring at me, with crazy nocturnal eyes waiting to pounce on me and devour me whole.  I did all but lay in the floor and cry.  I tried, yelling beneath my breath, beating my chest with my fists, cursing the not so bad bad-words, pretending to kick the dog, and praying she would sleep.  Between 11:45 and 3:45 a.m. Elle nursed.  Easton got up once around 3:00, so I left them both in my lap and watched a recorded 48 Hours Mystery which put us all to sleep.  At 5:00 a.m. I quietly strolled up the stairs to be awoken at 5:25, by Elle.  This time when I looked at her and saw a different child, a sweet, inquisitive little face, staring back up at her Mommy.  She needed me. I guess it was the daylight starting to come through the window or I was delirious, but either way it was touching.  I am incredibly in love with my children.