I've swam my entire life - and we could end the post right there... but I guess I should tell my story. Maybe it'll inspire someone, maybe it won't; maybe it'll encourage someone not to quit, make someone smile, or just help someone pass some time during Covid-19 restrictions.
In August of 2020, I was welcomed into the My Swim Pro Ambassador squad. I kind of had to pinch myself; it was a "why me?" scenario. I mean the team has people going to the Olympics, people breaking records in swimming, people who have lost tons of weight swimming, people who have faced tremendous diversity, and then there's Carly. I'm just a girl, in the southern part of the USA, who swims. I'm a mom, I enjoy my career, and I run a lot. I also like pizza. That's about it. Joining a group of swimmers like this, was inspiring - but it's put me through tons of soul searching. My biggest hero in the group is such a light and will be on the US Paralympic Team - she is constantly helping others manifest greatness and has brought me to tears finding greatness in my self - through all the dark and scary to the light and beautiful... and my other hero in the group embraces who she is, with such power, that I just find her magnifying. I have to watch her stories on Instagram several times in a row, and seem more like her stalker than her friend - but it'll be okay.
So gulp... this is my story.
I started swimming at age 5. My mother got me involved with the local aquatic center, after I went to the bottom of the pool at a pool party and didn't come back up. Swim lessons, led to swim team, which led to age group wins, medals, Junior Olympic qualifying times, 2-a-day workouts, elite team practice, diving teams, technique camps, the gamut - swimming was my life. I was my team's breaststroker. I owned that stroke - each graceful pull was powered by a strong whip kick - and I slept, ate, and lived breaststroke. I enjoyed my early years on swim team, but stayed on the team to make my parents happy. I wanted to be the best, hold myself to the highest level, and just see them smile when I finished first in my heat and then podiumed. And although I should have fond memories of swimming as a child, I honestly remember the times I tried to please others more than trying to find my own happiness.
As I aged up, swimming became harder. I was still a good swimmer, but I was not training like I had in the past and had lost desire to chase qualifying times and just wanted to swim at the high school level. The high school swim team was so different. Some of the team could not even swim, some could not dive, and many had never put on a competition suit. My coach had confidence I could lead the team in the 500 freestyle. And although I had spent my last 10 years of my young life training, swimming, and living at the pool - the thought of swimming 50 free, terrified me, much less 500 yards. I showed up though, at the meet, dove off the block and swam 500 free. I wanted to make my coach happy. I was mortified to come in at the back of the heat - and I really had a bad year on the team after that.
I decided to scale back at age 16 and try other things. I figured my swimming would never bring anyone happiness, as I was a has-been. I remember feeling deeply saddened I was not who I once was - and struggled after I had stopped swimming. My family had moved overseas anyhow and I needed to just be a teenager. Over the next few years, I made friends, had fun, partied, tried different sports, and just lived a lot. My dad and I rode our bikes a lot around our city, and near by towns. I also got interested in running during that time and just seeing the world on foot.
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Running brought me tremendous joy, tons of friendship, and allowed me to see some beautiful places. Unfortunately, I stayed injured and had to rehabilitate in the pool. I came back to swimming several times over my years of running, but eventually decided it had to be a consistent part of my training plan. During this time in my life I was married, working, and starting to have kids - so some days it just felt good to be in a pool. Being back at the pool meant I met a whole host of new people - swim coaches, triathletes, cross fitters, and some guys training to be Navy SEALs. It gave me the opportunity to swim with others again. I showed up consistently and became decent at swimming again. I did a few sprint triathlons, and was a swimmer on a few triathlon teams. Still yet, I wasn't happy. Just kind of doing what I thought was necessary to stay in shape. Eventually I found a friend who helped me find a whole new world, and changed everything for me.
During this time, I found an adult swim team, that was essentially just about five of us who swam together. They eventually became part of a Masters Team - and that's when I moved in another direction. But that's a whole other beautiful story. I digress, the leader of the adult swim team, Ed, and I swam together a lot. Ed seemed more like a father to me at times, my wonderful pool dad. Ed helped me realize I had huge dreams, I could progress in swimming even as I got older, and introduced me one summer to open water swimming. And the rest is history.
The first time I swam in a lake, it brought back that terror of that 500 free back in my teen years. We swam about 500-800 yards between several docks until we hit a mile. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. The water was cool and dark. I couldn't see or spot, and no one was above me critiquing each kick, each pull, and each breath. I thought about that swim the rest of the summer. The next year, Ed and I went back, but to another lake. We met about once a week and did 1-2 miles in the lake. But it wasn't enough. I had researched during this time and had interest in swimming 2.4 miles, I knew I'd need more practice in a lake and that's when I enlisted my husband and father to be my pilots in the kayak. Over the next couple of years, I perfected my art of open water swimming, I trained like an athlete again, I swam with passion, I felt beautiful and strong - and I was finally happy. Endurance swimming became my thing, and I ended up preferring swimming 10Ks in our lake, to very short distance. I was no longer in a position to make others happy, I was finding my own happiness and seeing how I was designed to be an open water swimmer.
You see, I've never been a small girl. I'm tall, I am big-boned, I have strong legs and arms. As a child, I had coaches knocking food out of my hands before meets. I had people joking me on my big shoulders. I was made fun of for not being able to wear a certain size swim suit. As a swimmer, I lived in a swim suit and was critiqued a lot. It is not always the kindest sport. So while I smiled and tried to keep others happy, I struggled finding my own happiness... Then I found open water swimming. The lake washed away all that pain, all those feelings, and I was fierce.
With swimming distance, comes a need to train, do technique at the pool, and get stronger - faster - and more efficient. I started using the My Swim Pro App to help me stay injury free. Right now I am training to swim something I've never swam before; I have a vision. But I want this post to show, that in all the years I tried so hard to make others happy, it took trying something crazy to find my happiness.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination, and as my swim journey continues, I will vow to always find happiness for myself - while sharing true joy with others. My swim story, is a true reflection of who I am. Strong, fierce, sexy, and full of life.
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